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Question Time featuring Mark Stanway!

(30 posts)
  1. User has not uploaded an avatar

    Fordy

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    Winger / Striker

    Welcome to question time with your host me, Andrew Ford!
    Could we have a round of applause for our guest Mark Stanway whos speciallity subject "Smithfield Training". Good luck mark, here are you questions:

    Questions
    1. Are we going to get an explaination on the 2nd pathetic, childish, woman on her period style storm off this season..........or????

    2. Do all Stanways have the exact same way of shouting "Come on!!"??? I cant believe how similar Ian and Mark sound when they shout it. Its kind of a high pitched shriek! Feels like a my skulls being drilled when a hear it.

    3. What do we train for? Is it to improve your own fitness/skill base? or is it win at all costs and if things are going bad go in one?

    4. Does winging and moaning about everyone else instead concentrating on your own performances help anyone?

    5. Did sitting on the wall supping your vat of water help with your strop?

    Posted 1 year ago #
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    Stanners

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    Retired

    Ok, here we go Andrew...

    1) I was pissed off by your lazy attitude. Its one thing to not venture past your own halfway line and leave team-mates in the defensive shit with the intention of scoring on the counter attack, but its totally different when you are not scoring the chances. Your ratio of goals to shots must have been 1: 10/12 or something like that. Not good enough for a goalhanger AND its normal for you to do this.

    2) It's a gruff manly stokie shout that most men hear and understand. Your delicate hearing must only be use to a posh kidsgrove twang and that of rowdy teenagers waiting for their balls to drop

    3) What fitness and skill base do you improve by goal hanging? I suppose it could be your composure in 1 on 1 situations but the ratio in point 1 blows this well out of the water. Myself, I get a bit of fitness, have the craic with the lads and do want to be on winning sides. It cheese me off when others take a more relaxed approach to the game on a consistent basis.

    4) No wonder our kids education is going down the drain when our teachers can't even get words right. I believe its spelt whinging. It goes in stages, silent frustration --> words of disbelief to yourself --> apologising to team mates for poor plat --> positive words to better yourself and poorly performing team mates --> bollocking poorly performing team mates --> increasing Evian Profits --> pissing off home in a sulk. I call it Stanners Heirachy of Grumpiness and you'll notice it quite clearly follows Dr Bruce Banners Greenified Index. Therefore, if shouting in a gruff stokie voice brings me down a few levels then I know it at least helps one person. (Stage 4 helps others so its a marvellous system)

    5) Not particularly. Even with my even padding.


    5 Points and no passes. Winner!
    Posted 1 year ago #
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    Fordy

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    Winger / Striker

    I was pissed off by your lazy attitude. Its one thing to not venture past your own halfway line and leave team-mates in the defensive shit with the intention of scoring on the counter attack


    To be fair I was pissed up, had no energy and after about 30 mins, did stand up front (until we were 7-4 down in the final game where I kicked back in and we won 10-8). With regards to this, I reckon I still covered a minimum of twice if not more ground than yourself whether it be in their half or not! You stood on the edge of our box for the vast majority of them games so workrate 1/20. Scored around 20 of the 30 goals our team put in, the 1:10/12 ratio is ridiculus (unless I had 200+ shots), 1:3/4 at worst.

    It's a gruff manly stokie shout that most men hear and understand. Your delicate hearing must only be use to a posh kidsgrove twang and that of rowdy teenagers waiting for their balls to drop

    Think you should bring a voice recorder - believe me, its not gruff, its puff!

    what fitness and skill base do you improve by goal hanging?
    Sharp movement to move away from defender, turning ability, short sprints. I dont need long distance running as can run forever (big man comment but true).

    Myself, I get a bit of fitness, have the craic with the lads and do want to be on winning sides. It cheese me off when others take a more relaxed approach to the game on a consistent basis.
    A bit of fitness - see standing on the edge of your box comment.
    If we look at yesterday, the team I was on won all 3 games. Even the 3rd game when you had turned into "the incredible sulk" and walked off we went 7-4 down and won 10-8 (did have to pick up the work rate a tad).
    What craic/crack are you getting from Stanners "come on!" squeals or walking off?

    No wonder our kids education is going down the drain when our teachers can't even get words right.
    Got to give you that one! I'll throw a bonus point for that one.

    I call it Stanners Heirachy of Grumpiness
    Again thats a quality comment that earns another bonus point!

    apologising to team mates for poor plat
    Poor plat??? Did I teach you at school? Lose 2 bonus points!

    Ok, after using the Fords very complex scoring system. You scored an unimpressive 1.6 out of 20 that coincidently was the amount of ground covered by you and myself added up in football pitch lengths (I ran 1.58 football pitches).

    Hope this doesnt actually offend you because it is meant to be a serious of comical annicdotes! xXx
    Posted 1 year ago #
  4. Askey316

    Damo

    Offline
    Centre Back

    Hope this doesnt actually offend you because it is meant to be a serious of comical annicdotes! xXx


    I was actually getting warmed up to this conversation until that ruined the mood }:-)
    Posted 1 year ago #
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    Fordy

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    Winger / Striker

    I was actually getting warmed up to this conversation until that ruined the mood
    Cant believe that I am going to look like the bad boy again. Every time we ALL agree to abuse Stanners for a w"h"inge, only the big man does it!
    Posted 1 year ago #
  6. psycho

    psycho

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    Right Wing

    I'm gutted, it sounds like I missed a good training session (or should that be whinging session?)

    Psycho }:-@

    [image]

    Posted 1 year ago #
  7. CyrixInstead

    Cyrix

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    Goalkeeper

    I'd like to point out Mr Ford that you were on the winning team 3 times more because of my performance than your own. The goals in each game could (should?) easily have been much greater for the opposition, but they were shooting at the team's 'keeper and we were shooting against outfield players taking it in turns with no gloves.

    The number of times we were outnumbered at the back (yes it was only 5-a-side but that means you can't hide) was unreal, you were always up front and on many occasions you simply left the person who just won theball off you to run down the pitch with it whilst teammates did their best to cover. I mentioned this to you on said occasions.

    For me the Stanners Stages are not far from the truth. Silent frustration is rarely involved, but it always starts with speaking to the player in question i.e. Fordy cover, Fordy get back, Fordy that was your man (after making a save from a move started by Ben disposessing Fordy and running down the pitch from just outside his own box and Fordy not bothering to do anything about it).

    It's only when I have said something about it many times to be ignored on (almost) every occasion. Sunday with only 5-a-side meant that everyone on the team should be working extra hard and that simply didn't happen. It's no goodsaying you're Mr Universe andcanrun a marathon in your sleep. The point is you never bother to trackback and help teammates when required.

    The incident Stanners decided enough is enough was preceeded by me bollocking you for not getting back when I was (playing out so ancould go in goals) covering with Stanners at the back (we had one man each), Damo was up front and you were about 12 feet behind the guy with the ball (Ben I think) who was taking loads of time to wait for the opportunity to pick out the pass.

    I expected you to run back, but as it happened you could have got away with walking back and you would still have reached Ben before he decided to play the ball. We conceded and I (rightfully IMO) shouted at you for your laziness.

    This made me try even harder in the subsequent minutes to make up for your laziness, and Stanners let everyone on his team down by fucking off like a baby.

    Of the goals scored after his departure, 3 of them were scored by me and I set you up for the last one. We won 10-8 against the odds more because of my workrate than any increase in effort on your part. I was whamotronned Saturday too, although not to the extent of you.

    I believe the other people who played at training would agree.

    On a lighter note, I found the questions funny and do you think maybe my brother and I sound similar because we are related?? Don't forget, there's only one Aled Jones "Walking in the Air" on the team... "ref,the ball never went out!!".

    2 cents over

    There are 10 types of people in the world: people who can read binary and those who can't.

    Posted 1 year ago #
  8. User has not uploaded an avatar

    Fordy

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    Winger / Striker

    I'd like to point out Mr Ford that you were on the winning team 3 times more because of my performance than your own.

    Absolute bollocks!

    For me the Stanners Stages are not far from the truth.

    Its training not a cup final - grow up! Training is to work on your own shortcomings not to whinge and moan about everyone else and storm off like a child!
    For the last time, I'll repeat! Im was still hung over this morning after Saturday. Felt horrible yesterday, to the extent that most players wouldnt have turned up.... but not to let my team mates down turned up anyway knowing id be wank (more than some players did). Didn't turn up to listen to the Stanway cats choir sing "The come on song".

    Sunday with only 5-a-side meant that everyone on the team should be working extra hard

    Most actual 5-a-side teams always leave a man up front (ive played for many 5/6 - side teams so know), ensures the others don't attack with 4 players. The tactics for their side yesterday was to attack with 4 players, I stood up front. Which was more devestating 4 on 3 for us to defend or 1 on 0 for them. Again look at the score and where most goals came from.

    We won 10-8 against the odds more because of my workrate

    Are you for real? How are you not an outfield player after taking on their team on single handedly!
    We could have bought Vitts on last 15 minutes after on a hot day when everyone has played for 105 minutes and he would have had an impact. Everyone was knackered, you had fresh legs and therefore are bound to have more running!

    I was whamotronned Saturday too, although not to the extent of you.

    Didnt you tell me you had 6 pints (not 100% as brain wasnt working properly due to alcohol abuse)? You can never be whammo'd on that amount. I drank closer to 20 pints (a personal best I do believe) and was necking full pints at 11pm acting the big man because we were playing some stupid drinking game! Also have a vague memory of smashing a few sambucas down. Thats Whammo'd in the first degree! But still turned up.
    What would you have preferred? 4 on 5? or 5(with pissed knackered Ford who still scored 20 odd /30 goals) on 5!

    I believe the other people who played at training would agree.
    Thou who support come forth!
    Posted 1 year ago #
  9. psycho

    psycho

    Offline
    Right Wing

    I drank closer to 20 pints

    Also have a vague memory of smashing a few sambucas down


    I dont need long distance running as can run forever




    .
    Posted 1 year ago #
  10. the gaffer

    the gaffer

    Offline
    Manager

    From a purely observational valuation of yesterdays training session.

    There is no place for tantrums in team games. Frustration should be converted into desire to win. Walking off the pitch is not an option, you only succeed in taking the frustration with you as you slither away from the field of battle, you also punish the team mates who are trying, by making them work harder as they are now even more outnumbered. The frustration should be saved until the end of the game and discussed in a grown up manner in the pub afterwards.

    I can't believe that Fordy and Ian are trying to big up their drinking prowess. quoting anything from 6 to 20 pints. Stanners regularly drinks 5 gallons during the game.

    I agree with both Ian and Fordy on the question of who won the final game. Ian did in fact single handedly win the game. But as Fordy cleverly states "every one else on the pitch had been running around for 110 minutes" and so must have been tired.
    Posted 1 year ago #

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